RULE OF ENGAGEMENT #4/COLOSSIANS 3:12-14

I would like to do a quick review of the preceding rules: #1 Glorify God ("How can I please and honor the Lord in this situation?"), #2 Get The Log Out Of Your Own Eye ("How have I contributed to this conflict and what do I need to do to resolve it?"), and #3 Gently Restore ("How can I help others to understand how they have contributed to this conflict?"). This brings us to #4 Go And Be Reconciled. We are answering this question: "How can I demonstrate forgiveness and encourage a reasonable solution to this conflict?" We begin by considering ...

I) FORGIVE TO RESOLVE PERSONAL ISSUES

A) Note that Paul in Ephesians 4:32 compels us to "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." So, we should be willing to forgive others in light of the forgiveness God offers us in Christ. To not forgive in this way is to minimize the costly forgiveness of God--the death of His Son.

B) It is important to state that forgiveness in neither a feeling nor forgetting (at least at first). Instead, forgiveness is a decision modeled after God’s own forgiveness. What should we know of God’s forgiveness? Isaiah 43:25 says, "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember you sins" (cf. Jeremiah 31:34). Psalm 103:12 says, "As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 130:3-4 says, "If Thou, Lord, shouldst mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with Thee, That Thou mayest be feared." Consider these against these passages found in the NT: Matthew 6:12; Colossians 3:13; 1 Corinthians 13:5. Here’s what all this means: "This is exactly what we must do if we are to forgive as the Lord forgave us; we must release the person who has wronged us from the penalty of being separated from us." This is actually what the word forgive means–to let go, release, or remit, and to bestow favor freely or unconditionally.

C) To help us understand what forgiveness really is, we must consider the fourfold nature of the promise to forgive. When we say we forgive, we are making a fourfold promise to the one we have forgiven: 1) "I promise I will not think (dwell on or brood) about this incident." 2) "I promise I will not bring this incident up and use it against you." In other words, I will not get "historical" about it or keep a mental record of the wrong. 3) "I promise I will not talk (keep gossip alive) to others about this incident." 4) "I promise I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship." Now to ...

II) SOME ISSUES FOR CLARIFICATION

A) I’m sure there are some questions swirling in your heads right now. "What about the consequences of someone’s sins?" First, "forgiveness releases us from the major penalty of sin: personal separation from the person we have offended" cf Isaiah 59:2; Ephesians 2:13. Second, "forgiveness does not necessarily release us from the worldly consequences of our sin. Sometimes it is best to show mercy (Matthew 18:21-35; Luke 15:21-32), and sometimes it is best to allow a person to experience consequences that will teach a needed lesson (Proverbs 19:19; 2 Samuel 12:11-14), depending on what will most effectively glorify God and serve the other person."

B) Another issues revolves around the hard work of reconciliation. According to Ephesians 4:3, we are to "make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Reconciliation takes time and deliberate effort to forgive and rebuild trust, especially after a serious betrayal, but this is exactly what God commands us to do cf. Colossians 3:12-14; 1 Thessalonians 5:15. Reconciliation requires that you give a repentant person an opportunity to demonstrate repentance and to regain trust. To overcome unforgiveness, you will need to renounce sinful attitudes and unrealistic expectations such as: expecting the offender to earn or deserve forgiveness, desiring to punish the offender, and demanding a guarantee. You cannot forgive in your own natural strength. Only God can give us the desire and power to truly forgive others cf. Philippians 2:13.

C) Finally, as we practice the four promises of forgiveness, bitter, painful feelings and memories will begin to fade. Thus, we replace the worldly saying, "Forgive and forget," with a more accurate biblical statement: Christians forgive to forget.